So let’s talk about erections! Personally I celebrate the erections of all men. I often work with men who have been shamed for their erections. Who are increadibly scared to GET ONE when it’s “not appropriate” or to get NONE, when it’s “expected”. What the heck?
Erections are a natrual phenomenon in most male bodies as menstruastional blood is for most female bodies – and like sweat, tears, gases, or feces are natural occurances in and around all human bodies.
(Yes, I know, we love to pretend that we are streams of high consciousness, trapped in the raw body of an animal 🙂 )
Back to the erections:
I don’t feel any judgment, personal attack or humiliation when a man gets an erection. Nowadays, after working with tousands of men, I don’t even feel it has anything to do with me (that used to be different!). It’s just a natural response of a male body to feeling joy, aliveness, relaxation, comfort or arousal.
If a man experiences issues around erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or high / low libido, that’s usually related to the cultural mindfuck we carry around male sexuality and the moral load that comes along with it.
The cultural load around erections
In our culture, erections are closely associated with sex, power, abuse, pressure, penetration and shame. What a pity! In the first place, an erection is a simple and innocent reaction of the body.
Since being a baby, my son has multiple erections a day. None of them are related to sex, penetration, porn or violence. They come and go. Like rivers and tides. They are the expression his natural flow and physical aliveness.
All this talk about how we want present, powerful men, deeply rooted in their bodies, connected to their essence. And then start to freak out about the first sign of an erection. Or blame them when there is no erection.
That’s not how it works!
Let's talk about what works!
It’s about honoring, welcoming and being with what is. It’s about celebrating this beautiful phenomenon of a coming and going erection the same way like we should honor the cyclic nature of menstruations.
By the way, did you know that an erection happens through a very complex interplay of nerve stimulation, blood circulation and muscle tension?
When the penis is soft, there is little blood flow in the erectile tissues of the spongy penis body. Contra-intuitively, this happens as the muscles and arteries are TENSE and contracted. These muscle contractions are contolled by the sympathetic nervous system, which starts out in the thoracic spine (chest) and goes down all the way to the genitals.
Through RELAXATION and pleasure (please note: that’s not the same like sexual arousal!!! Though sexual arousal can be part of it!), the parasympathetic takes over. It makes sure that the muscles and arteries in and around the penis relax. This is how they can fill up with blood.
To make a long story short: on a physical level, erections have a lot to do with relaxation.
Being able to relax instead of mentally or physically thightening up. On a very practical level:
- breathing and awareness excercises,
- a detailed knowledge of the anatomical landscape as of the male pelvic floor as well as
- non-goal oriented touch or massage practices or
- pleasure mapping, as well as
- mindful masturbation techniques
can deepen your connection to your penis and raise presence in this often shamed or pressured part of your body.
Wanna learn more about how to support your erection?
I share a lot of practical knowledge and tantric massage techniques in my courses Handcraft (for women who want to learn to touch a penis) and Penismassage (a course for couples who want to practice penis massage). Apart from the sensual and erotic component, it’s really about working this tissues & muscles down there. A bit like penis-physio.
In my private 1:1 sessions I work with both men and couples. Through know-how from sexological bodywork, tantra, tao, sex therapy I guide penis owners back into their natural sexual power and aliveness. And help their bodies to learn to expand instead of contract. Touching, feeling and mapping your penis might be part of that. And teaching you tools to re-sensitize your genitals through e.g. mindful masturbation or physical practices and awareness practices.
Have questions? Don’t hesitate and get in touch!