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On being held & letting go

On being held & letting go

In my job, I hold others. Frequently. Sometimes dressed. Sometimes bare breasted. Sometimes naked. Heart to heart. My clients breath deepens. Their muscles relax into my body. Their faces soften. Some sigh. Some cry. Some dig their claws into my back to make sure I stay. Some just express deep joy for being held.

They are CEOs, mothers, fathers, lovers, poets. The spiritually and the economically driven ones. They are young, at their lives peak or heading towards the sunset of their existence.
And then there are my kids, whom I hold at times as well as all my friends and lovers when needed.
If things go well, I ground myself. I breath and hold them. And love them. All of them. And provide a space for them for feeling held. And stop holding themselves together oh so tightly.

“They are CEOs, mothers, fathers, lovers, poets. The spiritually and the economically driven ones.”

Today I come here, to be held. I come here to surrender. And to relax. To give myself into his hands. His ropes. His knots and ties. His knowledge on how to compress my muscles and bones in way that I can let go. Finally let go. His capacity to make my body be still. Or fly. Safely. So I can let go and sink into my core.

His living room resembles a Japanese tea salon. It’s so bright. No dark BDSM studio – only bamboo, a creme-colored futon mattress. A single steel ring hanging from the ceiling high above. And lots and lots of different ropes.

As I enter this room I feel excitement. I feel curiosity. And at the same time relaxation. It already starts. It feels good to be here. It feels right. And safe.
What a beautiful place! How privileged I feel to be invited here.

We talk about our motivations. About our desires and barriers.
The first round is about testing how my body responds, he says. And blindfolds me. Already the act of getting my hands tied together feels incredibly powerful. Or vulnerable. Depending on the perspective. I love it!
I want it!

“Already the act of getting my hands tied together feels incredibly powerful. Or vulnerable. Depending on the perspective. I love it.”

He tightens the rope around my torso. What a pleasure! What a relief! I feel held.
A game of different sensations and intensities follows. And before I know it, my body is lifted. I am weightless. And the space around me expands. And the space within me expands. A childhood memory pops up. It’s an image. And a feeling at the same time. I am on a swing. And it’s the moment where the swing is at its highest point. The momentum before it falls back towards the earth pulled down by the forces of gravity. It’s the moment of lightness.
I cry tears of joy. Of relief.

Later, when I tune into my body and look at my face in the mirror, I discover that my jaw feels incredibly relaxed. I mean like: I n c r e d i b l y relaxed. Like never before consciously perceived by my mind. Thank you so much Amalion Vom Elffensteyn for this amazing experience!

Writing this and reading about the art of rope-play (depending on the context called bondage, kinbaku or shibari), I stumbled across this sentence, which I feel fully reflects the experience I had:

„Kinbaku and shibari are about consensual art-making and experimentation; working together, the rigger and model engage in a simulation of extreme power dynamics and produce images and bodily experiences brimming with vulnerability, euphoria, tension and sensuality.“

If you are curious about having the experience of being held by love & conscious ropes: Go for it!
I can dearly recommend Kristina Marlen, whom I had the pleasure to meet in a session last year. What a powerful, sensitive and inspiring person! Or of course Amalion, who made me fly this day and is looking for sparring partners to practice his skills. Other bodyworkers and rope-lovers I know and trust with this matter should be found under luhmen d’arc.

If you want to be firmly and gently held in general, the first choice is always to be courageous and ask someone you trust and know, a friend, a lover, a family member. And really dare to ask for time & presence. I am not talking about a prolonged hug, but something to sink into – like 15 Minutes minimum.
If for any reason, you prefer being held in a ‘professional’ context, by a loving, presumably conscious person, feel free to check out our bodywork sessions here at SensualSunday. To sigh, cry, laugh or dig your claws into the living flesh of a caring counterpart.

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